R&D Rundown

With the media declared mega success of the second annual NHL Research and Development camp You can’t help but wonder just how much tomorrow’s game will resemble the sport we know and love today. With more and more exploration into changing the fabric of the game, from icing to overtime, there have been several other experiments that seem to have gone unnoticed.

Red Light District –

Where: A 5′ radius around Ottawa Senators goalies.

What: Whenever the puck is within RLD the whistle is blown, the goal light is turned on and a point is awarded to the attacking team.

Why: Since this is the usual result the change is in place simply to streamline the process and save the Senators’ netminders the embarrassment of attempting to make a save and to get on with the game.

Modified Avery Rule –

Where: North America

What: Allows all fans, players and anyone employed within the NHL to throw/swing blunt object at Sean Avery without repercussions.

Why: First, may force him out of the game. Second, If the league and the state of California won’t punish him, someone has to.

Windex Rule –

Where: Long Island

What: The New York Islanders are required to have Windex on hand at every team practice, game and function.

Why: To maintain the cleanliness and appearance of Rick Depietro’s glass jaw, groin, knee… glass body.

Take a Breather –

Where: Within reach of every trade discussion or contract negotiation.

What: Each GM must first establish their “Sather Level” using a league approved breathalyzer to see if they are too inebriated to close the deal. Anyone surpassing the “Garth Snow” range must be instantly removed from the discussions.

Why: See the collected works of New York GM’s.

Media Blackout –

Where: GTA

What: Revoke arena and interview privileges from loudmouthed malcontents who dislike hockey as it is and try as hard as they can to reshape it into their own (and statistically unpopular) vision. (Some lackeys even going so far as to exploit tragic deaths to further their goals without even waiting for the funeral to finish)

Why: This sport is great as it is and certain prime time radio shows are annoying.

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